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Post  BeveeMommy on Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:34 pm

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Post  Kiana on Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:40 pm

Have you thought of maybe just going to her and saying that you guys feel its important to the son to be at these tryouts and you will take the daughter after school that day? If its feasible of course... Im sure this sounds really stupid and Im sure was an obvious choice already but I thought Id suggest it anyways.
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Post  cc-Bear on Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:11 pm

First off ... hugs! I know this has been a struggle for you guys. Also sending hugs for the kiddos. They deserve the best and a loving environment 100% of the time. :-( Yes, it would be great if your bf and his ex could work this out between them, but alas I know things are probably past any mutual reasoning at this point. Not sure what to advise, but my legal mind tells me this at a bare minimum ... document everything! There may come a time you need this information. I hope this mess gets sorted out soon, very soon.
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Post  BeveeMommy on Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:13 pm

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Post  Monkey's_Mom on Sat Mar 06, 2010 9:18 am

((hugs)) to being in a difficult situation. You'd think the better solution would be just for her to ask the kids Dad rather than spoil her son's chance at the b-ball team. That seems very unfair. From the sounds of it, you two would help out. A couple of hours, fine for an 11 year with an 8 year old sister, but with mom that far away and that late at night. No way, at the least they'll probably get scared. Definitely not cool at all.

My best friend as a child was burdened with having to babysit her twin brothers AND clean the house from about 4th grade onwards. She hardly ever went anywhere, couldn't sleep out and when she did go places, often got picked up early to babysit. She was extremely disgruntled and i think it led to a whole wack of things in her adulthood. You can't turn a child into a parent and not expect repercussions.

I hope you guys can have a sit down with Mom and discuss a solution and in the end hopefully the kids can come live in a place where, like you said, they can be kids.

Good luck!

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Post  killersmiles on Sat Mar 06, 2010 9:33 am

Could you not ask to watch the youngest SC?
So that Dusty could still try-out?

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Post  winelover on Sat Mar 06, 2010 10:42 am

i agree with all who are saying perhaps you could somehow watch the youngest.. but if it is the location ten that does cause some issuesis there by chance an afterschool child care programme that the sister could go to and the boy do the tryouts and when done.. but i guess that the after school just wouldnt let them leave without an adult. i see your issue..

it saddens me when children have to be so responsible..
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Post  terbear on Sat Mar 06, 2010 2:25 pm

I too would approach them with the spirit of co-operation and ask if you could help out, knowing what it means to the older one, and watch the younger one. This will do two things, it will show them that the right thing to do is not make the older one have to watch his sibling and miss something important to him (without being critical of their parenting) and two it shows that you are not evil. I think that tactic would work. Kill them with kindness hoping that they start being kind back.

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Post  BeveeMommy on Sat Mar 06, 2010 2:50 pm

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Post  terbear on Sat Mar 06, 2010 4:03 pm

sorry didn't know there was such a big distance...ya that is a tough situation for sure.

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Post  MamaBiatch on Sat Mar 06, 2010 6:09 pm

bev..you may not like this idea,but it may help.
he can legally watch his sister,but there are some areas there that arent cool,and a bit grey(as far as her going so far away from them)I know CAS is an evil word to some,but calling them,may help you guys custody wise.If they found out she went that far...they may decide to pay a "visit".Whatever u end up doing..document it all,and let the lawyer know about this.Hugs..I hope something happens so they can come be with the responsible parents...hugs
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Post  cc-Bear on Sat Mar 06, 2010 6:12 pm

MamaBiatch wrote:bev..you may not like this idea,but it may help.
he can legally watch his sister,but there are some areas there that arent cool,and a bit grey(as far as her going so far away from them)I know CAS is an evil word to some,but calling them,may help you guys custody wise.If they found out she went that far...they may decide to pay a "visit".Whatever u end up doing..document it all,and let the lawyer know about this.Hugs..I hope something happens so they can come be with the responsible parents...hugs

I'm inclined to second this.
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Post  BeveeMommy on Sat Mar 06, 2010 10:33 pm

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Post  murkywaters on Sun Mar 07, 2010 3:46 pm

Now that you know about this (the 8 yr old child being left alone in the care of an 11 yr old till after midnight) you really need to take steps to fix this BEFORE you call CAS. Call up mom talk to her and explain how important this try out is (yes I know she knows yes I know she won't care but DAD told HER so he TRIED) have him inform her that he's not cool with the fact taht they are going to be left alone for that long till that late. he needs to TELL her even if she doens't care even if she doens't listen he STILL needs to tell her. If you just call CAS then they'll ask why he didn't do anything to fix it and just allowed it to happen. NO they are not evil they will help if he's honestly trying to help fix the neglect that's happening then they'll know that. Definatly document EVERYTHING, when you called, what you said, what her reaction was and what the next step is going to be.
Good luck, *hugs* for the kids and you guys.
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Post  crazybitch on Mon Mar 08, 2010 11:03 am

First, Randy (or you) need to call her and find out the details of the concert. Does she have an adult checking in on them? Is someone going to be there at all? This will show that he tries to communicate about the welfare of the kids

You have to document EVERYTHING. You are all paying for this battle and so its time to get out a special book.

My advice is this,
Randy has to drive there. It is too much of damn risk for them kids to be left unattended or trust her word if she says they won't be.
Once he sees kids are alone, I would stay with them until she returns. (even if kids don't let him in, tell him to stay in the driveway)

Don't take them anywhere cuz that will open another can of words. I would also suggest calling CAS once he is there (especially if they are not supervised). This will ensure that he followed all the proper steps and will provide more documentation for the case.


The judge will see all that is written and all that has been done on R's part. It will show that he is a responsible parent.
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Post  BeveeMommy on Mon Mar 08, 2010 11:25 am

He's calling his lawyer today to document it all with her, and get her advice..

Most likely he will be making a trip out there tonight once he figures out what the exact situation is.

But from what we understand.. the kids are alone, no one is with them, and no one will be checking on them.



Side question: I know the laws are cloudy at best regarding this type of situation.. but can you MAKE a kid babysit if they don't want to? D has REPEATEDLY stated that he does not WANT to babysit K, and that his mom doesn't care and MAKES him! Can anything be done about that situation?
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Post  crazybitch on Tue Mar 09, 2010 8:24 am

I think its a grey area for CAS for sure.
Most kids that take the baby sitting course are 12. It involves first aid as well.
So if she plans on doing this then tell her to pay for the fucking course.

How did it turn out last night??
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Post  BeveeMommy on Tue Mar 09, 2010 12:49 pm

He was able to take the course at 11.. and now she expects him to babysit CONSTANTLY! She's abusing her powers as a mom, and taking away his childhood.. I hate that he has to live like that! Sad

As for last night, the lawyer explained it this way: If we say he shouldn't be doing it, then it shows we have little faith in his "grown up" abilities.. and thus he wouldn't be "mature enough" to decide where he wants to live.. (which is with us!) So we basically had to just let it go.. and we called him a lot to make sure things were ok for him. The lawyer DOES have it all on file though, and it could be used as a bargaining tool in the future to prove his maturity, and ability to choose to move here!

Hopefully it turns out that way.. we'll see! Sad
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Post  crazybitch on Wed Mar 10, 2010 12:58 pm

ok seriously?? I think your lawyer is talking out of his ass.

It is not ok for any 11 yr old to be left alone with their sibling while parents go out of town for 6 hours.
He is expressing himself. Well shit, next time tell him to place a call to the judge so he can be heard by the person who will decide the fate of him and his sister. fuck sakes...that boils my ass.
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Post  murkywaters on Sat Mar 13, 2010 4:20 pm

are you serious!! OMG what bull!! talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think there's a big difference between the fact that he CAN do something and the fact that he SHOULD do something. thinking of you guys hope things work out for him eventuallly
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Post  cc-Bear on Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:04 pm

BeveeMommy wrote:He was able to take the course at 11.. and now she expects him to babysit CONSTANTLY! She's abusing her powers as a mom, and taking away his childhood.. I hate that he has to live like that! Sad

As for last night, the lawyer explained it this way: If we say he shouldn't be doing it, then it shows we have little faith in his "grown up" abilities.. and thus he wouldn't be "mature enough" to decide where he wants to live.. (which is with us!) So we basically had to just let it go.. and we called him a lot to make sure things were ok for him. The lawyer DOES have it all on file though, and it could be used as a bargaining tool in the future to prove his maturity, and ability to choose to move here!

Hopefully it turns out that way.. we'll see! Sad

Okay, I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say that I understand your lawyer's point. What she is doing is absolutely WRONG, but not legally wrong. Your lawyer realizes that there is very little case or legal ground to do anything about it. However, by putting it on record and building a case for D's maturity is very strong. If he is mature enough to babysit, he is mature enough to make the decision to move. If his constant babysitting is on file, then when she protests his decision it gets thrown back in her face that the only reason she wants him to stay is for the free babysitting. While waiting sucks for everyone, I get the strategy.

Sending giant hugs out to D. He deserves his childhood and I hope and pray this gets resolved soon. He needs to come home and soon.
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