Everyones entitled to have one of those days right?!

Go down

Everyones entitled to have one of those days right?!

Post  Kiana on Sun Mar 07, 2010 5:55 pm

Im just having one of those days... One where I feel sorry for myself... They dont happen all that often but some days its easy just to feel beaten down...

I have my job for another 23 days before Im unemployed... As much as I know it could be a LOT worse... it still stresses me out... Id like to have something lined up before Im done... but I do want to finish out my days... I make really good money where Im at.. and I know finding something that pays me as much will be a difficult task... and tho we dont NEED me to have a great paying job... We like expensive things... We dont want for much... I like that lifestyle... We have savings set aside... but thats supposed to be just that savings... We've been trying for a baby for 6 months now and we set up account specifically for that... Baby items add up quickly... so we've each put aside $20 every week into that account... in the six months its already $1000 and still no peanut in my belly... Now Im afraid that if I dont find something soon that we're going to dip into these accounts for day to day stuff... like I said... I KNOW it could be worse... but we've been responsible... Now this.

If I dont find a job before the end of the month Im going to take a few days and go up north to visit my friends and certain family... I know sounds kinda stupid to take a trip when I have no income coming in but its "home" (I use that term loosely as nothing feels like home to me there anymore... Home is here, it has been for a long time... "home" is simply where I grew up and spent 19 years.) All I have to pay for is my gas to get there if I drive.. and even that I wont have to fully pay for... or flying. I have a place to stay and wont have to pay for much there.

Anyone that may know a bit about me knows my relationship with my family is rocky... the last time I went "home" was October for my dads funeral... Now my mother has been calling and crying to anyone who will listen how she wants to talk to me... coincidentally its only because she knows Ive been speaking to her soon to be ex husband... She doesnt want to talk to ME... she wants to ensure that Im not going to testify on his behalf... She requested to my grandmother (the only person in my family that I have regular contact with) that I call her... not message her... not email her... call her voice to voice... I strugggled with it for a bit... I have so much anger towards her right now... and I dont feel that I want anything to do with her... then I have days like this that I feel sorry for myself and wonder why I cant have a normal relationship with her... Arent moms supposed to be supportive? Make you feel comforted when you dont feel comfort? Mine hasnt been that way in many many years. I chose not to call her... I didnt feel that it would benefit her or I at this time... She only wants to talk to me because she thinks it could benefit her... Not because she thinks it will fix anything.

I dont know how I feel about getting pregnant now... I mean, I want it more than anything... but how ideal is it right now when Im about to lose my job and no clue where we lie from there... No company is going to be thrilled to take on someone with the goal of getting pregnant immediately... Not that I would be divulging that information upfront... but still... or worse yet... having no job to go to. So now, Im not trying... but Im also not NOT trying. If it happens it happens. Kwim?

My s/o has been on the road 5-6 days a week working right now... I just want him to be home a little... The little time we spend together is great... and I usually dont mind his travelling.... but today its getting to me... I mean he JUST came home Fri at 4pm... He left today at noon and most likely will be home Saturday. Oh and Im working 6 days a week so I got to see him yesterday evening for about 3 hrs before I passed out from exhaustion... and this morning he ran a race that I went to ... but its just not the same.

This was long... sorry... I just had to say it to someone before the tears fly out of me.
avatar
Kiana

Posts : 22
Join date : 2010-03-05
Age : 37
Location : Windsor

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Everyones entitled to have one of those days right?!

Post  killersmiles on Sun Mar 07, 2010 6:00 pm

Hugs
I've had a lot of those days lately!

killersmiles

Posts : 95
Join date : 2010-03-04
Age : 37
Location : Windsoria

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Everyones entitled to have one of those days right?!

Post  MamaBiatch on Sun Mar 07, 2010 6:39 pm

HUGS.When you want life to be a certain way...its hard when you have to wait.I remember being at that point when I was younger...and it did come,but boy..waiting was hard.Ive let everyone know on here that they are hiring at my work,but the hours are part time 5am-11am.Im not the one doing the hiring,the other manager is....if anyone is interested,I can send them the link and you can apply..Ive been off for a bit with pneumonia..so as of now,I think they are still looking.I wont mention online where I work,but u can pm me
avatar
MamaBiatch

Posts : 45
Join date : 2010-03-05

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Everyones entitled to have one of those days right?!

Post  DivineMrsM on Sun Mar 07, 2010 8:33 pm

aww! i'm sorry things are rough for you right now. as far as the mother thing goes, i think you are totally right and justified in keeping her out of your life. i have a "father" that i am the same way with. some people are just poison.

i've been out of work since i found out i was pregnant with Dresden. so i know how hard that is. maybe keep marketing your 'other' skills and you won't have to go back? that's what i'm trying to do. it's hard though.

sorry, dude! if you need to chat, i'm here.

DivineMrsM

Posts : 13
Join date : 2010-03-05

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Everyones entitled to have one of those days right?!

Post  Kiana on Sun Mar 07, 2010 9:56 pm

Thanks guys... I think I feel a little better now getting it off my chest... sometimes its easier than unloading it on my friends...

I do want to work full time but I will pm you mama... Those hours kinda suck in some ways.... but leaves the rest of the day wide open too... hmmm... Id like to find out where it is.

And yes Dana... I was booking 2-3 shoots a week before when I was laid off... its definitely possible to make decent money... It is always my backup... but I like knowing that theres a guaranteed income. Ive got a wedding up north next summer that the bride is awaiting an answer from me right now as to whether Ill take it... I just didnt want to sign the contract just yet since everything is so unknown. I also have one in the fall that the deposits and contracts have been signed.

Im trying not to overstress about it right now... whats meant to be will be... but easier said than done of course.
avatar
Kiana

Posts : 22
Join date : 2010-03-05
Age : 37
Location : Windsor

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Everyones entitled to have one of those days right?!

Post  killersmiles on Mon Mar 08, 2010 8:21 am

Lisa can you send me the link please?

killersmiles

Posts : 95
Join date : 2010-03-04
Age : 37
Location : Windsoria

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Everyones entitled to have one of those days right?!

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum